For Women Only: 10 Things I Learned About Losing Weight

from the blog of writergirl

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Hopefully you're not rolling your eyes and thinking, "Here's another useless article about how to lose weight written by someone who is just trying to sell a book."  Although I am a writer (not professionally, I just like to say I am), I have no book contract and I write fiction, not self-help books.  The reason I'm writing this blog has nothing to do with me, except for the fact that I'm hoping my story will help other women who are trying to lose weight.  Since I've lost 56 pounds, several people have asked me how I did it, and at least one of them (that I know of) has taken what I've told them and has lost 50 pounds herself. The tips in this blog were gleaned mainly from my own experiences, but also from questions I've received from other women.  I've found that the issues I've faced, in a lot of cases, are the same issues that other women have had to deal with.

First, let me give you a little background about myself.  I'm 42 years old and I had been overweight most of my life (actually, since puberty…hormones have not been kind to me).  I'm married and I have a 16-year-old son (an only child).  I've tried to lose weight in the past, several times, and was even successful once:  When I was 20 and wanted to join the Air Force, they told me I couldn't enlist because I was overweight, so I basically starved myself and spent two hours a day exercising just so I could get in.  I quickly gained most of it back in basic training, even though I was exercising (not of my own choice) most of the day.  (I now know that my body cannot handle the kind of food I had to choose from in the military chow line.)  After years of eating all the wrong foods and becoming basically sedentary, my weight piled on until I topped out at 175 pounds in July of 2007 (I'm 5'3" tall, so 175 is pretty heavy).  I was a sugar addict. One of my addictions was cold cereal.  I've been known to eat several cups of Fruit Loops with tablespoons of sugar so I could scrape all the sugar out of the bottom of the bowl when the cereal was gone.  I didn't know what it was like to have regular menstrual periods (again, I had the hormonal problems since puberty), and I was always feeling tired and cranky.  I was tested for PCOS (Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome), and was hoping that it would come back positive so that I could have some reason for the way I was feeling.  But it didn't.

Then one day, I received a brochure in the mail for the South Beach Diet (no, I'm not trying to sell you on South Beach , so keep reading).  I looked at it and thought, this is something I think I can do.  I had started writing a series of novels and decided that if I could write novels, I could lose weight.  How hard could it be?  It was like a light finally went on in my brain and I was done being overweight.  It happened that fast.

I went to the library and checked out the South Beach Diet book, read it, and was amazed at what I had learned.  Eating simple sugars and starches makes your body crave more sugars and starches.  Things like white potatoes, white rice, and white flour, which I had always been taught were healthy, actually aren't.  Eating whole grains, lean meats, and most fruits and vegetables is the best way to lose weight, which isn't just taught by South Beach , but by most of the accepted diet plans, just in different formats.  I thought that South Beach explained it in a way I could understand easily, and I would recommend reading the book even if you don't follow the plan to the letter.  (I didn't.)

It took me about a year to lose all the weight I wanted to lose, which is probably something most people don't want to hear in this day and age of instant gratification.  But now, I know for a fact that I will never be overweight again.  I lost the weight gradually to give my body time to adjust and get used to the new way of eating and exercising, and because of that, I know that I won't be tempted to go back to my old habits.  I established new ones, which means that it would take more than a little effort to break them (just like it takes effort to break any habit).  I started at a size 18 in pants and I now wear a size 4, and hallelujah, no more hormonal issues!  If I can do it, anyone can, and I firmly believe that.

I look around and see so many women who are overweight, it's scary.  I never noticed it before, but now that I feel like I finally have control over my own body, I want to help other women who have gone through the struggles of trying to lose weight.  If you have questions or just need advice, let me know, and I'll do my best to help.

Hopefully the list below will provide some helpful information.  These are just things I learned along the way, and they're in no particular order; some of them aren't easy to accept, but necessary.  And I left one thing off, so this blog should really be called "11 Things" and not just 10:  It's easier than you think.  That's probably the biggest surprise to me, because I've always been told that losing weight is just too hard.  Now you know the truth…it's not.

#1:  Be Realistic

OK, this is probably the hardest thing to accept before, during, or after any weight loss program.  Here's the ugly truth:  If you have ever been overweight, you will never look like those models in the swimsuit ads unless you have a lot of money to spend on plastic surgery and a really good photographer who knows how to use an airbrush.

The fact is, if you allow yourself to become overweight, your skin stretches and you develop pockets of fat that may never go away, no matter how much weight you lose; not to mention the stretch marks and cellulite that accumulate over time and stubbornly refuse to disappear.  (I like to think of all these anomalies as battle scars…I was in a war with myself for 40 years, so of course, I can expect some scarring.)

I'm assuming that if you are reading this article, you're overweight, so share this next paragraph with women you know who aren't fighting this battle.  Here is my advice to them:  If you have never been overweight, lucky you.  DO NOT let yourself get to the point that you are.  Take steps now to prevent it, or you will regret it later.  Trust me on this.  (And don't think that it couldn't happen to you, because that's exactly how it all starts.)

If you are overweight, learn to accept the fact that your body will never be "perfect" (as society defines it…or, as the media has led society to define it).  Be grateful for the body you have and rejoice in every pound you lose.  Give yourself a pat on the back for each healthy step you take towards your new lifestyle and don't beat yourself up because you still don't look as good as someone else.  Never compare yourself to anyone else; everyone is unique and everybody responds differently to different diets, so it's impossible to use another person as a reference to your own body.  Focus on getting and staying healthy instead of looking like an anorexic nymph in a swimsuit, and you'll be a lot better off.

#2:  Learn to Ignore the Media

Everyone has seen the restaurant commercials (pick any restaurant, it doesn't matter) where everyone is smiling and enjoying their appetizers, salads, main courses, drinks, and desserts…and everyone in the commercial is stick-thin.  If I ate the way the restaurants would like me to eat, they'd have to cart me out in a wheelbarrow.

In a world where it's considered normal to go out and eat a 1,500-calorie appetizer before you ever get your main meal, it's hard to never become overweight.  Most of us do.  Most women also have kids, which just exacerbates the situation.  Don't hate yourself for living your life and not knowing what's healthy and what isn't.  How can we be expected to know?  With all the different diet plans, conflicting research studies, and commercials for diet pills screaming at us 24/7, it's easy to be confused and even easier to just give up completely.  (My favorite is when you see a commercial for some kind of diet pill or plan, and the commercial immediately after shows how much happier you would be if you just ate Pillsbury Grand Cinnamon Rolls or some similar high-calorie item.)  I recently saw a study that said the only thing that matters is how many calories you take in.  I suppose that's true to a certain extent, but why would they say (in the same article) that you should only eat whole grains, lean meats, and an abundance of fruits and vegetables?  Sounds to me like calorie intake isn't the only important thing, after all.

Keep one thing in mind when you see any type of advertisement or study concerning food or weight loss:  Everyone has an agenda (money, recognition, or both), and none of them really care about you or your weight issues.  I've experienced reading a "research study" one day, and then the next day reading a completely conflicting report.  Since I've learned what has actually worked to help me lose weight and keep it off, I have to laugh at all the so-called "research" that has been disseminated by the media.  Learn to recognize the fluff pieces in magazines, newspapers, and online, laugh at them, and move on.  None of it applies to you; you live above those things now.

#3:  Don't Expect Society to Help You Lose Weight (or, expect a roadblock everywhere you look)

One of the first things I found out when I started my new lifestyle was that society (at least American society) is not conducive to weight loss.  Of course, I already knew this to an extent, but until I started paying attention, I didn't realize how bad it really is.  And it's not just restaurants.  Go to any grocery store and actually pay attention to the amount of processed food that is sold there.  I was stunned when the lights finally came on in my brain and I could see the wall-to-wall unhealthy food choices.  Scientists spend all this time and money doing research on why Americans are so overweight, when all they have to do is go to their nearest market and look at what we have to choose from.  It's not pretty, but it sure is cheap.  I can buy two boxes of donuts for five dollars, but if I want a couple of pounds of grapes, I have to take out a loan.

I've been fortunate to have enough money to support the way I eat now, but a lot of people in this tough economy are struggling with their grocery bills.  When I first started eating healthier, I realized that I was going to have to buy less to keep my grocery bill at the same amount that it was before.  But it worked out in the end, because I'm not eating as much as I did before, anyway, and since I'm replacing the junk food that I used to buy with healthier choices, it's not as expensive as I thought it would be.  I think a lot of it is psychological; we're taught from childhood to get the most we can from our money (like at an all-you-can-eat buffet), and if we can buy 24 donuts for cheaper than two pounds of grapes, we see it as a bad decision to buy the grapes.  But the truth is, you have to learn to overcome this psychological barrier if you ever want to change the way you eat.  It was hard for me at first.  Yes, it's unfortunate that healthy food is so much more expensive than the junk I used to spend my money on; but the chances of this changing anytime soon aren't very good.  Use the money you save from refusing to purchase things you don't need (including eating out) for healthier options.

#4:  Learn the Basics

I think that most people would agree (although rather grudgingly) that the best way to lose weight is to eat right and exercise.  No, you won't lose forty pounds in two weeks this way, but it's the only way to lose weight successfully and keep it off.

The problem lies in the first part of this mantra…what is "eating right"?  Before I found something that worked for me, I couldn't answer this question.  Half the stuff I was eating were foods that I had been taught were healthy.  We're all familiar with the USDA's Food Pyramid, which actually came under fire as of late because it was questionable whether this icon of American nutrition was even accurate (since then, the Pyramid has changed completely…go towww.mypyramid.gov for more info).  If we can't trust the beloved Food Pyramid, what can we trust?  I still remember seeing it on every box of cereal my mom bought when I was growing up; she was a dietician at a hospital and made sure that my brother and I had the actual box handy every morning at breakfast so that the Pyramid would be forever etched in our brains.

These days, I've noticed that a lot of diet plans preach the same basic ideas about the types of foods that are healthier than others.  As I said before, my recommendation is to read the South Beach Diet book (you should be able to get a copy of it at your local library if you don't want to purchase it).  I'm not saying that this diet plan will work for everyone, but it does separate the good from the bad and also explains why certain foods are bad for you, instead of just telling you not to eat them.  Even if you don't follow the diet itself, I believe that reading the book will help to clear up a lot of misconceptions about food.  It's where I learned most of the things I needed to know to be able to lose weight.

A helpful website:  www.nutritiondata.com .  You know the Nutrition Facts label you can find on most of the food items you buy?  This site expands on that label and gives you all the information you will need to make smart food choices.  It also includes labels for foods that don't normally have them (i.e., produce and restaurant food).

#5:  Learn to Love Exercise

OK, I'll admit it…I used to hate exercise.  I'm not talking a strong dislike here; I'm talking a loathing that made my stomach churn anytime anyone at work bragged about the fact that they'd run ten miles at five o'clock that morning before cycling into work and signing up for a marathon that afternoon.  (I used to work with a bunch of health nuts, in case you're not getting the picture.)  I thought they were the craziest people I had ever met.  Who in their right mind would get up that early in the morning to work out for the fun of it?  (They all enjoyed it and never had to worry about losing weight.  Funny how that works.)

I finally bought an exercise bike and forced myself to ride it every once in a while, when I had the time (which was usually never…mistake number one).  When I did ride it, it took forever to burn enough calories to make any difference, but I told myself that a little exercise was better than none and I probably wouldn't ever be able to improve on it (mistake number two).  I listened to music while I was riding the bike, but still got bored and cut my routine short more than once (mistake number three).  Needless to say, my exercise "routine" may have done more harm than good, because I told myself that I wasn't good enough to lose weight.  What am I doing wrong? I asked myself.  Why can everyone else lose weight by exercising, but not me?  I must be destined to be fat.

Sound familiar?  I think a lot of people, especially women, are in this same situation.  The biggest excuse is that they don't have time to exercise.  It's a valid concern, because when you have a family to take care of, a full-time job, and you don't want to live in a germ-infested home, every minute of your day is usually already spent before you even have a chance to live it.  I know how it is; I'm still there, and unfortunately, I have the dirty house to prove it.  But now, I exercise for about an hour a day, six days a week, and I burn 400 calories with every workout.  How did I go from being "allergic" to exercise to my current routine?

First, the excuse that I didn't have time had to go.  Somehow, I had to make the time to exercise; it wasn't going to magically appear in my schedule every day.  This is the hardest part; I'm not saying that it will be easy, by any means.  But if you're serious about changing your lifestyle, you have to do it.  No excuses.  Your family needs you, your job needs you, but if you aren't healthy and you don't take care of yourself, nobody is going to benefit from it.  You have to make this time for yourself; you are just as important as anyone else, and don't let anybody convince you otherwise.  Find a time in the day that works best for you.  Before I found my current job, I would always get home from my old job before my husband did, so I used that time to exercise before making dinner.  Granted, it wasn't my body's idea of the best time; I was usually exhausted from work and just wanted to crawl into bed.  But I found that exercising right after work actually helped to relieve the stress, and made me a little less ornery with my family (although they may disagree!).  I felt better about myself because I exercised, and I had that time to myself that I wouldn't have gotten otherwise.

Second, I knew the routine itself had to change.  The bike wasn't cutting it, so we invested in a treadmill (we already had a weight machine from years back that I never used, so getting a treadmill was kind of a risky venture).  I knew that walking was something I could do that was simple, low-impact, but still effective in burning calories.  I also started doing a couple of stomach exercises and used the weight machine for my arms.  These extra exercises only took about ten minutes, and I spent about fifty minutes on the treadmill, burning 300 calories just by walking.  Now, I burn my current 400 calories because I've added running (but not much…just a few jogs for a couple of minutes at a time).  I use an exercise ball for my stomach exercises and still do my weight routine for my arms.  Unlike with the bike, I feel like I'm actually doing some good in a timeframe that works for me.  My point is, even if you hate to work out, there will be some exercises you like more than others.  Find them and capitalize on them.

As for the boredom issue…this was actually a natural progression in my case, because I began writing a series of novels before I started my new lifestyle, so I now use my exercise time to concentrate on the series.  If you have something with which you can keep your mind occupied while you're working out, time goes by a lot faster and you find that you actually enjoy your routine.

One more thing…remember that you're exercising not just to burn calories, but to build your metabolism and keep your heart and other muscles healthy.  The more you exercise, the more your metabolism goes up, and the more calories you burn just sitting idle.  That's a pretty good incentive.

#6:  If You Make a Mistake, Get Over It and Move On

No matter how hard you try, there will be times when you won't be able to exercise (for example, a snow storm hits just before your commute home from work and it takes you two hours to drive what should only take thirty minutes.  Stupid snow!).  Accept the fact that life happens, but don't let it sidetrack you. Start up your routine again the next day.  This is one of the reasons why people don't stick to exercising; they skip a day due to circumstances beyond their control, and the next day they skip again because they didn't see the harm in skipping the day before, and so on…don't let this happen to you.

It's the same with eating…if you fall off the wagon, get back on.  You're not a failure just because you slip occasionally; everyone does.  The important thing is to start again.  The best part about the way I eat is that it's not a diet where I starve myself or completely ban certain foods.  I still eat mashed potatoes and stuffing at Thanksgiving.  I still eat candy, brownies, cookies, and ice cream, especially during the holidays.  When I go on vacation, so does my diet.  There are times when I go out to eat with my husband (we usually get something to share).  I don't ever tell myself "I can never eat that again," and any diet that does tell you that is doomed to failure.  But although I still eat all the bad stuff, I don't eat it in my normal, day-to-day routine.  If I'm visiting someone and they've fixed dinner, I eat what they eat.  If I'm traveling, I eat what's available and do my best to make healthy choices.  It's not a complicated process; it's actually very simple and very easy to stick to.  Allow yourself a treat now and then, and you'll be less likely to go back to your old habits.

#7:  Be Patient

I have to laugh every time I see a different diet plan or pill that claims you can lose a massive amount of weight in less than a month.  OK, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt…I've never tried diet pills, so maybe it's possible to go from 200 pounds to 120 pounds in two weeks.  But if you ever find that you're tempted by claims like this, ask yourself:  Is this healthy?  Will I be able to keep the weight off after I lose it without having to take these expensive pills the rest of my life?  How many lawsuits are pending on the company that manufactures them?

Think about it this way:  If you're overweight, chances are you've been that way a long time.  You've packed on pound after pound, year after year, and now you want to lose it in time for your class reunion next month.  How realistic is that?  If you really want to change your life and keep the weight off forever, the only way to success is by being patient with yourself.  Your body will respond differently than someone else's; just because one person on the same diet plan loses ten pounds in the same amount of time that it took you to lose five, don't get discouraged.  Your body is on a new path, one it will have to live with forever, and it will adjust accordingly.  You'll probably hit plateaus, which are just times in which your body is getting used to the new "you."  Stay the course and you'll move past them eventually.

You have the rest of your life to hit your target weight, so let your body decide when it's ready to move to the next stage.

#8:  Eat All the Time

Yes, you heard right…and this statement isn't as easy to follow through on as you may think.  It takes a little preparation and forethought, and possibly some kind of alarm (like on your cell phone).  Keep this in mind:  It's what you eat that matters, not how much you eat.

Here's an example of what I eat in a day (adjust the times to fit your own schedule):

Breakfast (7 a.m.):  ¾ cup of Special K Protein Plus cereal, 1% milk (not measured), fruit (a few strawberries and/or 1/3 of a banana.  I also like black grapes in my cereal…I know it sounds strange, but when you can't get strawberries, grapes are a good replacement).  I drink diet Sobe.

Snack (10 a.m.):  1 piece of light mozzarella string cheese & water.

Lunch (noon):  Sandwich made with Sara Lee 45 Calories & Delightful whole-grain bread, lean lunchmeat, low-fat cheese, Miracle Whip Free, mustard, and lettuce; unlimited raw veggies of some kind (usually green peppers, carrot or celery sticks, or sugar snap peas), a few low-fat Triscuits (not a whole serving) with a couple of tablespoons of fat-free dip, sugar-free gelatin with Cool Whip Light, and a diet soda or water.

Snack (3 p.m.):  A small handful of nuts (almonds are best) or a few more low-fat Triscuits and water.

Snack (6 p.m., before I exercise):  ½ cup of Fiber One cereal and more fruit with 1% milk.

Dinner (8 p.m.):  Lean meat of some kind (fish, chicken, pork or beef), frozen veggies (the kind you steam in the microwave are really convenient; I usually eat the whole box by myself), a green salad with low-fat dressing (I like the Wish Bone spritzers or Kraft Free Thousand Island ), and sugar-free Kool-Aid (I add Splenda).

Dessert (9:30 p.m.):  Sugar-free pudding with Cool Whip Light.

What about the spaces in between the snacks and meals?  Most of the time I'm either eating sugar-free hard candy or chewing sugar-free gum, and it really helps to keep me from eating any of the bad stuff I don't need.  How could I?  It doesn't fit anywhere into my schedule!  Sometimes I forget to eat my snacks, especially if I'm busy at work (that's where the alarm comes in), but it's important to stick to a schedule.  Otherwise, your stomach will be rumbling for food and your blood sugar will drop.  One benefit of having a routine is that once it's established, you don't even have to think about it anymore.  You have all your meals and snacks planned out, which makes it much easier to resist temptation when it comes along.

#9:  Don't Let Family and Friends Determine What You Eat

When I first started eating healthy, the first issue I had to deal with was the fact that my husband and son are picky eaters.  They'll only eat certain foods, and only if they're prepared a certain way.  Luckily, I was raised on different types of food, so I'm not that picky about what I eat.  But for years, I ate what they ate because it was more convenient.  I actually prefer as little meat as possible and more vegetables, but I grew accustomed to their way of eating for the sake of saving time.  I think most parents, particularly moms, have gone through this; they do the best they can to try to raise their kids to eat healthy, but then the other parent (usually the dad, right?) sabotages it because they weren't raised to eat healthy, and the cycle continues.  My husband is a wonderful person who has been supportive of me the whole time, and I don't believe in forcing someone to conform to my way of eating.  I figure he's old enough to make his own choices, and now that my son is older, he makes his own choices, too.  The funny thing is that once you make up your mind that you are going to eat differently than they do, and you start doing it and you stick to it, they start eating some of the same things you eat.  Kids (and apparently men, as well!  LOL) learn more from example than they do from anything you tell them, and if they see you eating healthy and they see the actual benefits from it (i.e., losing weight), they'll pick up on it even when you think they aren't paying attention.  My son surprised me one day by making a comment about how many calories are in the prepared lunches served at his high school.  He now has a healthy awareness of what's good and what isn't, and even though he still makes unhealthy choices sometimes, at least I know that he's paying attention.

The truth is, eating a different meal than everyone else isn't as time consuming as you may think.  I buy my chicken and fish in bulk from Sam's Club (which also makes it cheaper).  I invested in a Food Saver and I bag the pieces in individual servings and freeze them so that all I have to do is put them in the fridge to defrost the night before.  An example:  Sometimes my husband and son eat chili dogs and French fries for dinner, while I'll eat chicken, veggies, and salad.  I can slice the chicken and quickly cook it on the stove while the French fries are baking, and steamed veggies only take five minutes to make in the microwave. We all eat the salad.  Most of the time, though, we all eat the same meat and all I have to do is substitute the starch (mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, etc.) with veggies.  My point is, you can't use the excuse that "I can't eat healthy because my family doesn't."  You are responsible for what you eat, not them. And chances are, they'll come around to your way of eating at least some of the time.

When you first start your new lifestyle, family and/or friends may be skeptical and tell you that what you're doing isn't going to work.  They may even try to get you to eat those donuts in the break room or the 1,000 calorie fried-chicken salad when you go out for lunch.  I'm not sure why people, especially women, do this; it may just be human nature, it may be that they're afraid you will be successful and then they'll have to deal with jealousy issues.  At any rate, you quickly find out who really has your best interests at heart and who is just trying to sabotage you.  (At that point, you can determine who best to spend your time with.) But for the most part, once people see that what you are doing is working, be prepared to answer a lot of questions, because most of them will probably want to do the same thing.  For several months, at least one person every day came up to me at work and asked me how I did it, even people I didn't know by name; they'd just seen me in the hallways and noticed how much weight I'd lost.  As I said before, you are in control of what you eat; no one is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to eat donuts.  You can still have friends and not eat what they eat.  In the end, they'll be coming to you for advice, so stick to your now-healthy routine and set the example.

#10 – Live Your Life, Not Somebody Else's

Losing weight is an emotional battle, not just a physical one.  Most women I know live their lives according to what they think is expected of them, not what is actually best for them as individuals.  We all have pasts, emotional issues, and a lot of us have health problems to deal with on top of everything else.  Everyone is different, everyone has different needs when it comes to losing weight, so don't get discouraged if that one-size-fits-all diet plan didn't work for you.  Losing weight has to start with a mindset, and until that light goes on in your brain, until you determine that it's what you really want to do no matter what else gets in your way, more than likely you won't be successful.  But the good news is that pretty much anything can trigger that mindset.  For me, it was just seeing a brochure and believing that I could actually follow the plan.  Hopefully, for you, it will be reading this blog and knowing that there is actually someone out there who believes you can do it, too.

Feel free to ask me anything.  I will probably add to this list as I get more questions from women like you.  And if you've lost weight and kept it off successfully, I'd love to add your experience to this list, as well.  We can all help each other in some way!

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